Bookbuilding - ANALYSIS

Today, our final field trip into the world of novelbuilding pitfalls.


After visits to the twin pitfalls of setting staticus and momentum mortus, and the twin pitfalls of cultura non-equus and non-persona, a look at

PRIMUS IMPRESSIO FALSUS

wherein a book's first chapter gives a wrong impression of what to expect. Example:

The Raven Prince, a historical romance by Elizabeth Hoyt, is the first in the 'Prince' trilogy which shot the author to the top of repeated 'Favorite Book of the Year' lists. This genre frequently features ideal heros and heroines in terms of physical attributes and personal accomplishments, presumably to intensify the fairy-tale quality of such stories. This pretty much always includes such feats of masculine manliness as the hero being the tallest, most handsome, best swordsman, best marksman, wealthiest stock market investor... The list goes on, and includes, perforce, best horseman.

So when the protagonists of this story meet by having him fall off his galloping horse at her feet it is unexpected - and funny. The hero's wounded pride is well written, and memorable. Even more so when touched upon again in a very amusing pseudo-interview the author conducts with the hero at the end of the book (AW assumes this was used elsewhere for publicity purposes):

"...Edward's responses to the Romance Hero Rule Book:
1. HEROES ARE ALWAYS HANDSOME.
(snort) Well, that one is plain ludicrous. Who wants to read about pretty boys and macaronis, I ask you? A scar here and there lends a certain gravitas to a gentleman's countenance.
2. HEROES SHOULD NEVER FALL OFF THEIR HORSE.
Libel, sirrah! I have never, EVER, fallen off my horse and I will meet in the field of honor anyone who dares say so. It is true that, upon occasion, I have been UNSEATED, but that could happen to any gentleman and is an entirely different matter.
3. AND IF THEY DO FALL OFF, THEY DO NOT SWEAR.
I was not swearing. I merely called the beast a revolting lump of maggot-eaten hide, and - follow my reasoning closely here - the horse did not know what I was saying.
4. HEROES DO NOT START BRAWLS IN BROTHELS.
I did not actually start the brawl. Besides, what would you have me do when attacked by four men? Note: I did END the brawl.
5. HEROES DO NOT HAVE TROUBLE KEEPING THEIR SECRETARIES.
I am not sure what you are getting at...
6. HEROES ALWAYS KEEP THEIR TEMPER.
I do not have a temper and anyone who says so- (censored)
7. HEROES SHOULD NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT THE BREASTS OF THEIR FEMALE SECRETARIES.
What kind of namby-pamby novels are we talking about here? I should think-
8. HEROES SHOULD BE ROMANTIC.
Ha! HA! I have you there! I will have you know that Anna found absolutely no fault with my lovemaking. In fact-
9. HEROES DO NOT CONFUSE ROMANCE WITH LOVEMAKING.
(censored)
10. HEROES SHOULD BE TRANSPORTED BY TRUE LOVE.
With that I have no argument."

The opening scene, especially when taken together with the publicity teaser, raises powerful hope that the ongoing story will be marked by similar-type humor. As it turns out, the story settles into and remains within more dramatic parameters. The writing is excellent and the story well worth reading, but doesn't return to that lighthearted initial tone. So while Apprentice Writer enjoyed the novel and can recommend it, she was perplexed about the author's decision to point a certain way with the groundwork and then go in another direction.

Another example of primus impressio falsus is the contemporary romantic suspense novel The Damsel in This Dress, by Marianne Stillings.

It opens flawlessly:

"Hold on while I get out my thesaurus: this review is going to require more words than my paltry vocabulary contains. Ah, here we go: junk, dross, rubbish, detritus (oh, that's a good one), baloney, claptrap, drivel... To continue would require more space than this column allows, so let me simply conclude by saying that 'Strike Three for Death', J. Soldier McKennit's latest so-called crime drama is a waste of time and money. The plot is ludicrous, the characters stereotypical, the writing amateurish. What less could one ask for?"

The heroine is a book reviewer, the hero a police officer-turned-author who heartily resents her reviews. The first chapter builds up their mutual dislike excellently and humorously, creating great anticipation for their first meeting at a writer's convention. The meeting scene worked, but from that point on, for Apprentice Writer, the story steadily deflated in humor and interest as the body count steadily climbed for no particularly good reason and it seemed as though the heroine was of the sort that expects the hero to be more in charge of getting things done than she herself. By the time the finale rolled around, this reader was more interested in what was going on in the subplot between the hero's brother and the heroine's friend than the primary pair.

It's possible that this was a reflection of the fact that this was the author's first book. There have been several since, and though Apprentice Writer has not had a chance to take a second look, based on the strength of this very funny first chapter, she still plans to do so.

Inspiration: INDIA

Full disclosure: Apprentice Writer is partly of Indian descent. As such, she enjoys 'collecting' novels with Indian settings or features - even while cringing every time she picks up a new one. Why this paradox?

There is something about the timelessness, exoticism, color and spice of the south Asian subcontinent that gives flight to the imagination of multitudes of novelists, within and without its borders. Therein lie two potential novelbuilding pitfalls:
Cultura Non-Equus + Non Persona.*

Some stories set in this region** involve overt or subtly negative portrayal of South Asian people and/or culture, contrasting with positive portrayal of the protagonists' culture. This can range from older texts supporting colonial mentality (i.e. "India is filled with backward heathens in desparate need of British enlightenment to save them from themselves"), to newer texts wherein South Asian characters range from non-existant, to window-dressing equivalent to furniture in a room, to stereotypically villainous or comical secondary characters at most. How many South Asian-set novels mention the landscape, weather, foliage and animals - but no indigenous people, with all the action taking place between, say, European or American characters? How many mention local characters solely to comment upon turbans or saris worn and curry eaten, without any description of their actual lives or families? How many only allow love interests to develop when Western characters encounter one another, with the unspoken rule that cross-cultural romance is out of the question?***

To be fair, balancing all these elements fairly against one another is a tricky business. Happily, there are many new and established novelists willing to wrestle with the issues in an intelligent, entertaining manner.

Specimens from Apprentice Writer's India collection:

A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry (dramatic fiction): A beautifully written, wrenching book about living under a dictatorship and how there can be no excuse whatsoever to maintain the caste system. Not a light or easy read, but should be on the required reading list of anyone who strives for an informed world view.

The Far Pavillions by M.M. Kaye (historical action adventure): An epic novel set in colonial times, describing a fairytale bygone era and lovers trying to reach across a cultural divide.

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth (contemporary fiction): A doorstopper of a book telling an appealling tale of family relationships in modern India. The author skillfully makes all three suitors of the young heroine equally attractive; she chose well in the end but Apprentice Writer keenly felt the loss of the other two.

The Sandalwood Princess by Loretta Chase (historical romanctic suspense): An entertaining novella of romantic and cultural intrigue.

Brick Lane**** by Monica Ali (contemporary dramatic fiction): Mirrors the struggle of a traditional young wife to adjust to modern London and the expectations of her co-expatriates there, with the struggle of her sister at home to surmount misogynistic attitudes. An eye-opening tale.

Bollywood Confidential and Goddess for Hire by Sonia Singh (chicklit): Both novels have great cover art, Indo-American heroines, and a modern chick-lit feel. Though Apprentice Writer didn't fully engage with either heroine or either novel resolution, she did like the author's imagination and new territory coverned. It was a refreshing change, and raises interest for the new imprint Harlequin will shortly launch in India.

The next specimen to be added to the collection:

DUKE OF SHADOWS, by Meredith Duran
This new historical romance release received mega buzz. Hopefully the story will live up to its impressive publicity, and - just as important - avoid CULTURA NON-EQUUS and NON PERSONA.

* (Apprentice Writer's Latin is next to non-existant. Apologies to Latinphiles everywhere.)
** (Yes, Apprentice Writer is aware that this pitfall afflicts other geographies as well. African cultures and peoples are often especially hard done by in terms of non-cultura equus and non persona.)
*** (This does not mean to imply that stories set in India without prominent Indian characters, etc. automatically indicate a negative attitude. There could be all kinds of reasons to structure a story that way. But: the longer the story in such a setting without a significant Indian character(s), the greater the risk the author runs of giving such a perception.)
**** (Yes, Apprentice Writer is aware that the protagonists of this book are from Bangladesh rather than India. She thinks the same principles apply.)

Bookbuilding - ANALYSIS

There are countless pitfalls against which a novel writer must guard. Weak opening hook, dialogue with no spark, unfortunate use of exclamation marks…the list stretches on and on. It is a wonder that more writers don’t just give up and channel their creativity into baking cookies or making Youtube videos.

But that’s not how writers function. Somehow, some way, they have to keep going, producing more and more word strings in ever changing mixtures, studying what works and what doesn’t in the novels of published authors and pre-published peers. Apprentice Writer has long clued in to the wisdom of calling such study “work-related research” which sounds more productive than simply “reading”. It allows her to figure out what works or not in bookbuilding.

Today, a pitfall so powerful it can leap genres in a single bound. Apprentice Writer calls it: SETTING STATICUS, leading directly to: MOMENTUM MORTUS.

In other words: beware of how keeping main characters in one location for a long period of time kills pace – along with reader interest and goodwill. Some evidence:

THIEF WITH NO SHADOW, a fantasy novel by Emily Gee,
opens with the heroine up a dying tree, a stolen necklace round her throat and a snarling dog below, desperate to be on her way to save her hostage brother from magical fire creatures and not understanding how the dog saw her while she was invisible. Called to the scene via his telepathic link with the dog, the hero is equally desperate that the precious necklace, intended as payment to a magical sea creature for lifting the family curse and saving his sister, has been stolen. A punishing moonlit chase ensues until the protagonists come face to face outside the fire-creatures den. With energy at lowest point and emotion at highest, the initial clash between protagonists is huge, the necklace having already been handed over in exchange for the near-dead brother.

Great opening hook? Absolutely. Flying pace? For sure. Well-written first pages? Very much. Potential for fascinating developments, given the magical creatures, unusual personal abilities, and equal but opposite life-or-death stakes involved? You bet.

And what does the author do with this fantastic beginning? She proceeds to place the characters in a derelict farmhouse and keep them there, snarling and misunderstanding one another, for WELL PAST HALF THE BOOK.

Spectacular waste of a rocketing start. Apprentice Writer nearly wept.

Dramatic interest does return with later developments and more scenes with the fascinating fire and sea creatures (as well as tantalizing bits about magical earth and air creatures elsewhere in this world; Apprentice Writer assumes they will play a central role in the author’s next book), but by that point, this reader was seriously annoyed. Apprentice Writer only kept going because of how much she liked the writing in the first two chapters, and was rewarded by how beautifully done the interaction between hero and heroine is in the final scene. Overall, the strengths of this book outweigh this and a few other, smaller weaknesses, and make it a worthwhile read. But the seemingly endless middle stretch is a hurdle not all readers will take; one hopes that the follow-up book isn’t afflicted with setting staticus again.
(EDIT: This novel has just been listed as one of the nominees for 'Best First Book' by the Romance Writers of America.)

Moving on, we come to THE BAREFOOT PRINCESS, a historical romance by Christina Dodd.
It opens with the heroine conspiring with her servant to kidnap the hero, an aristocrat whom she plans to hold for ransom. Apprentice Writer has come across more than one book involving heroines being abducted, on purpose or accidentally, with the subsequent story more often than not involving the torrid relationship which develops between captive and captor (genre fiction is rife with case studies of Stockholm Syndrome). But the heroine as abducting party? That was a new plot device, and the hero's outraged astonishment at the audacity of a woman cooly carrying out such a plan and ignoring his demands and intimidation attempts to set him free were easy to understand.

So again: fresh premise = great reader interest and goodwill towards story. What happens? The reader spends page after page (after page after oage) in the cellar of the buidling where the hero is imprisoned. A cellar. Without even a secret tunnel or buried treasure or longlost letter containing significant clues to liven things up. Alas, even after the unbounded relief of climbing the steps back out again and setting staticus was overcome, the rest of the story didn't manage to recapture Apprentice Writer's interest. This was her first Dodd book, and Apprentice Writer can only conclude from this author's tremendous popularity that it wasn't an example of her writingat its best.

Next week: a bookbuilding pitfall by the name of PRIMUS IMPRESSIO FALSUS
wherein a book's first chapter gives an entirely wrong impression of what to expect.

Word Dares - Spring Equinox Edition

The official first day of spring - March 21 - has officially come and gone. Oblivious (or mocking, depending on one's point of view), monumental snow heaps continue to blight the landscape in Apprentice Writer's corner of the world, where the possibility of breaking the record for most snowfall ever recorded in a single March is within reach. In honor of this apparent defiance of global warming, here today's word invention:


Marzivan , (noun): the thick layer of pristine snow topping your vehicle, making it resemble an iced fruitcake on wheels.

Wordsmith: Maribeth Graham Source: The Toronto Star

Where in the World....

On homework patrol, one of the things Apprentice Writer tries to drum into junior apprentice writer #1's consciousness is the importance of setting the scene. It is a rare book (or language arts homework assignment) that doesn't open with some description of the weather/place/country in the first paragraph, if not the first sentence.

"Why?" junior apprentice writer #1 wants to know, meaning 'Better go straight to action instead of boring old rain or fog or sunset or .....'

"Because" says his mother, "giving clues about where the story takes place gives the reader instant feelings and expectations about what will happen, a helpful shortcut if used right." It is doubtful junior apprentice writer #1 is convinced, but she stands by her point.

Story set in India? Tigers and elephants, ancient civilization and monuments, multitudes of colorful people and languages form an instantly intriguing backdrop. Paris? Mention of cafes, art, and romance is expected. Space? There will be talk of currently unavailable technology, alien races, and unisex jumpsuits will figure prominently in fashion regardless of planet.

Wise authors can use setting associations to their advantage. They may set their stories in tried-and-true locations that deliver certain ingredients readers expect to go along with those places, or they can strike out into little know territory, giving jaded readers something new to pique their interest.

Apprentice Writer's work-in-progress Cupid and a Suitcase is set in the alternative travel industry, with arctic, antarctic, desert, jungle, and south sea chapters. With any luck, readers will find at least one type of geography to suit their tastes. Friends and authors Wylie Kinson and Amy Ruttan have set soon-to-be released stories in the Carribean - Law of Averages in Bermuda , and 'Fox's Bride' in Jamaica- a brilliant move considering how countless numbers of readers would love to spend time in such a blissful climate, meaning reader goodwill would be high before the first page was even read. Rowena, blogging at bookbinge.blogspot.com, wonders if there are any Polynesian set-romances out there.

Three of Apprentice Writers favorite books of all are historical suspense stories. Two are set in Egypt and peopled with archaeologists (among others): Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters (see: Laughter Reviews -Keeper) and Mr. Impossible by Loretta Chase (to be reviewed). Another is the Falco series, set in ancient Rome and its farflung outlying provinces, beginning with The Silver Pigs by Lindsey Davis (to be reviewed).

One of Apprentice Writer's favorite authors, the late and brilliant Christine Monson, chose fascinating locations for her characters to fascinate each other: revolutionary Hungary, colonial Burma, medieval Spain and the Holy Land during the Crusades. Definitely not ho-hum.

Enquiring minds want to know. What have been favorite settings for Gentle Readers? And what other kinds of settings would Gentle Readers like to see?

Notable Quotes

"I think we associate many words with novel writing.
'Bleeding' is a good one, but 'fun' should really be in there!"

Chris Baty
(Founder of 'National Novel Writing Month', which had 100,000+ participants last November)

Laughter Reviews #16

Time for another book review with the focus: funny or not?

FEMALE INTELLIGENCE
JANE HELLER
WOMEN'S FICTION


Premise
Career woman specialized in teaching men how to communicate with women is personally betrayed, with professional consequences.


What Works
The main plot elements showed promise: successful woman with thriving practice, quartet of equally successful female friends, and sensitive, good-looking husband is thrown for a loop when she discovers he is cheating. Worse, news of her divorce is leaked to the press, bringing her business to a halt since no-one wants to be couselled on cross-gender communication by someone who failed at it in her own life. To combat the client drain, Lynn decides one well-publicized, decisive victory will save her professional life, and sets out to capture a famous tycoon chauvinist as poster client. All ingredients for what could have been a good story.


What Doesn't
The writing style (at least, in this book) is pedantic. Over-explanatory and on the fussy side, it makes sense for the protagonist's character but means heavy going for the reader, too often approaching the threshold where reading feels like work instead of fun.

The tycoon character is a collection of cliches, from his somewhat dated expressions, to his choice of girlfriend, to his lifesyle description.

There is a TSTL moment when personal details have been leaked to the press for the second time with disastrous results and Lynn calls the newspaper in outrage. Among other details, she is informed that the informant left a contact number, but she fails to demand it to verify who will pick up. Instead, she spends another quarter of the book trying to figure out the identity of the culprit.

She does eventually, via an interesting method. But even this is unsatisfactory. Unless she is in a philosophical, literary-fiction frame of mind, Apprentice Writer wholeheartedly believes in Oscar Wilde's famous quote that

"The good end happily, the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means."

When Lynn confronts her antagonist, the culprit explains the motivation behind the undermining actions, and that's that. No real consequences beyond losing Lynn's friendship, no punishment, no negativity for that person, meaning freedom to inflict similar malicious behavior on the next victim to come along. This may be the way things often work out in real life, but Apprentice Writer gets plenty enough day-to-day proof of 'Life's Not Fair'; she doesn't need to read books for more of the same.


Overall
From dustjacket accolades including "rollicking", "snappy", "hilarious" , Apprentice Writer expected more.



But does it make you laugh? NOT NEARLY ENOUGH

There was a single bit which Apprentice Writer thought truly funny, involving the heroine going through so-called 'scripts' taken from various working life situations to train the male client on proper verbal interaction. She instructs the chauvinist tycoon to practice phrases to help him bond with his female employees, such as "I don't know how you metabolize dessert, but that chocolate mousse I had last night went straight to my thighs." His horror is palpable.

That's it. A good bit, but repetitive, and unless one is a loyal fan of this author, not enough to make reading the entire book worthwhile.