Cover Art Snark & Author Self-Mockery: Woot!

Apprentice Writer appreciates people who don't take themselves too seriously. She flat out adores readers who like a genre but can recognize the over-the-top elements in it. She got a does of both from the lovely and talented Scientist Gone Wordy, who made AW snort tea at breakfast with a link to author Jim C. Hines' reflectionss on urban fantasy/scifi cover art.

He doesn't just opine. He conducts research.

That's right. He tries to recreate cover poses.

Bravo to Mrs. Hines for having a spouse with the chutzpah to post the far-from-pretty results.

12 Days of Christmas - Redux

In this corner of the world, it is currently impossible to avoid game fowl attached to fruit crops. Sometimes, this alternates with spinning dreidel type music; Apprentice Writer has yet to hear any Divali or Kwanzaa music on the radio. Partridge-bearing pear trees dominate.

They also beg the question: what kind of person really thinks it's a good idea to prove his true love with a hen that speaks French or men in a hop/skip/jump competition?

Today, alternate suggestions from a trio of Canadians.

From Antonia Zerbisias, columnist with the Toronto Star :

"On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A penthouse apartment,
A driver and a Beamer,
10 Botox treatments,
9 spa vacations,
8 maids a-cleaning,
7 Prada outfits,
6 Manohlo Blahniks,
more closet space,
4 Cartier watches,
3 French dinners,
2 Hermes scarves,
And a pug in a purse Gucci!"

If Antonia's tastes are too elevated, there is always Bob & Doug McKenzie (aka Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas of SCTV):

"On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
twelve dozen doughnuts,
...
8 comic books
7 packs of smokes
6 packs of 2-4's
5 golden tuques
4 pounds of back bacon
3 French toast
2 turtlenecks
and a beer in a tree!"

In Apprentice Writer's house, that would be a root beer.

If this is the season for the Gentle Reader to celebrate: many happy returns, and AW wishes you your preferred gifts, feathers included or not.

Book Activists Unite!

There are two kinds of people in world: those who are passionate about books, and everyone else.

Of the passionate group, there are also two kinds: those who pull back with glum sigh when bookdom is threatened, and those who take up (symbolic) arms in defence.

Mr. Bill Wrigley of Toronto is an engineer and bridge builder by profession, who appears to hold the motto, "When the going gets tough, the tough get building!"

In an early instance of toughness, he regarded his wife's 3000+ mysteries and apparently concluded that a bookshelf probably wouldn't do. Rather than harping on her to dissolve the collection, he built her a reading room with such features as secret doors and a button on one volume's spine which ignites the fireplace when pressed.

Apprentice Writer would have adored Mr. Wrigley for that alone. But!

He has now gone on to new heights of heroism. How, the Gentle Reader may ask?

Toronto currently has a mayor who won the election by promising to "Stop the Gravytrain" (i.e. eliminate wasteful spending at city hall). Once elected, he found there was surprisingly little actual gravy on the train. In order to fulfill election promises, he has embarked on an in-depth examination of city expenditure with a view to cutting/selling.

One of the culling candidates is the city library service, with some branches projected for outright closure and others "merely" looking at limitations like weekend closures (when user numbers have traditionally been highest). When literary giant Margaret Atwood protested, the mayor famously stated that he would probably not recognize her on the street.

Many Torontonians responded by forming unfavorable conclusions about a holder of Canadian public office who didn't know who Margaret Atwood is. Mr. Wrigley did something much more useful: he built a Little Free Library on his street.

It is open 24/7, operates on the principle of take one, leave one, and is carefully stocked with items that appeal to various age groups. It had its grand opening celebration this past weekend.

Mr. Wrigley considered inviting Margaret Atwood but decided he didn't want to make political statements.

Bravo, Mr. Wrigley, for this gem of an example of "Deeds, not Words", and for making your neighborhood more interactive and neighborhoody. Apprentice Writer hopes that in future there will be friendly competitions of who can build the most architecturally interesting Little Free Library in their town.

"And now a pause for jocularity...."

Apprentice Writer is deep in the throes (this will shortly strike the Gentle Reader as funny) of new-and-improving her query.

A query, for those who may not live in the book world, is a brief letter an aspiring author addresses to a literary agent. It is supposed to entice the agent to read the first pages of a manuscript and then hopefully sign the writer on as a client before going on to sell that manuscript to a publisher on the writer's behalf.

New-and-improving her query currently involves working through the archives of the blog Query Shark by literary agent Janet Reid. Ms. Reid routinely eviscerates (her word) the queries voluntarily sent in by hopefuls such as AW. Witnessing the dismemberment is in equal parts terrifying and educational; AW is in awe of the hapless writers who dare present their work for the shark and all the blogosphere to see.

Tucked in among the earnest efforts is the occasional spoof. AW came across one today that made her laugh so much she wanted to share. Enjoy.

Health Promotion

Apprentice Writer will shortly be winging her way to Europe for a few weeks. As she has no idea what wifi situation will be, she leaves you with a dose of that non-flying avian, judgemental bookseller ostrich.

Health Promotion

Who says real estate can't have feelings?

Non-Conformist

Sometimes, Apprentice Writer just needs to remember that it's OK to be a little different.

Here's to all the non-conformist birds out there.

Quote of the Day: Stephanie Dolgoff

Apprentice Writer has reached the age when the way she feels in her head is mysteriously at odds with the number of the candles that should be on the cake. 'Should be', because she has long since disallowed something so distasteful as mathematically correct flames on her cake.

As such, the non-fiction collection of short stories in "My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young" called out to her. They also made her laugh in rueful recognition, such as the author's description of that exquisite torture known as 'shopping for new jeans'.

"...I needed jeans, badly.

The ones that fit were clearly out of style.

The ones that didn't (yeah, no, they hadn't gotten too loose) had a nasty habit of dialing my Blackberry whenever I carried it in my back pocket. I'd get home after a long day at work and find three messages on my machine from my own ass...."

She goes on to describe the disparity between the labels of 'young' brand jeans, and the reality of her own current life, and lists the kinds of brand names that she would buy:

"Solvent and Still Viable
Good Credit Score Jeans
Call Me 'Ma'am' at Your Own Risk Jeans
Nothing to Prove Jeans
So Over It Jeans
You Just Wait Jeans
Talk to Me When You're 30 Jeans
Love That Lycra Jeans
Been There, Done That (Twice) Jeans"

Ha!


The author has a 'Formerly' blog here.

Signs You've Been Reading Too Much Romance

By day Jessica of 'Read, React, Review' is a professor of all things philosophical/ethical/feminist, by night she's a thoughtful blogger of whatever strikes her fancy, which includes voracious reading in genre fiction.

This has resulted, among many other things, in some very entertaining warning lists, the most recent of which was

10 Signs You've Been Reading Too Much Paranormal Romance

It made Apprentice Writer laugh (even though she scored very low on those 10 signs) so she went back to read previous lists also:

10 Signs You've Been Reading Too Much Historical Romance (AW scored higher here), and

10 Signs You Need to Lay off the Scottish Romance (virgin territory for AW)

All funny. Enjoy.

'About the Author'

As an occasional book reviewer, Apprentice Writer once participated in a survey that asked, among many other things, whether she read the author information page' never', 'sometimes', 'most of the time', or 'always'.

She wished there had been another category: 'before anything else'.

AW adores the author information section. She believes it gives a tiny but true taste of the author's personality and creativity. If the book is supposed to be funny, for example, but she sees no reflection of that in the author blurb, she develops strong doubts as to the veracity of humor content.

Here some entertaining examples.
Dia Reeves, YA author: "I was born. I did some stuff. I haven't died yet. What do you want from me?" (@ Goodreads)

Gail Carriger, light paranormal author: "Ms. Carriger began writing in order to cope with being raised in obscurity by an expatriate Brit and an incurable curmudgeon. She escaped small town life and inadvertently acquired several degrees in Higher Learning. Ms. Carriger then traveled the historic cities of Europe, subsisting entirely on biscuits secreted in her handbag..." (@ Goodreads)

Anna Dean, historical mystery author: "....her interests include...cream teas and canoeing on very flat water." (back cover)

Diana Holquist, contemporary romance author: "I love to write. That’s pretty much all I do. Ask my family about the undone laundry, the un-bought groceries, and the fact that I rarely find time to get dressed in the morning. Actually, if you train your family right, they won’t notice any of these things..." (@ Goodreads)

Laura Kinsale, historical romance author: "...become a romance writer after six years as a geologist--a career which consisted of getting out of bed in the middle of the night and driving hundreds of miles alone across west Texas to sit drilling rigs, wear a hard hat, and attempt to boss around oil-covered males considerably larger than herself. This, she decided, was pushing her luck. So she gave all that up to sit in a chair and stare into space for long periods of time, attempting to figure out What-Happens-Next." (@ Goodreads)

Jill Mansell, contemporary fiction author: "....writes full time. Actually that’s not true; she watches TV, eats fruit gums, admires the rugby players training in the sports field behind her house, and spends hours on the internet marvelling at how many other writers have blogs. Only when she’s completely run out of displacement activities does she write." (@ Goodreads)

Janet Mullany, historical & paranormal author: "Janet Mullany was raised in England by half of an amateur string quartet..." (back cover)

Jasper Fforde, alternate reality author: "Jasper Fforde...is the son of...the 24th Chief Cashier for the Bank of England, whose signature used to appear on sterling banknotes..." (@ Goodreads)

It goes, perhaps, without saying that AW was not disappointed in the entertainment value of these authors' works after the high expectations raised by their self-descriptive snippets.

Blogging with Flair

The 3rd annual edition of Book Blogger Appreciation Week (bookbloggerappreciationweek.com), founded by Amy of myfriendamysblog.com, has just concluded. Apprentice Writer participated and had loads of fun in the first two years, and isn't quite sure how she missed signing up this year.

No matter; even non-signupees can make the rounds and find out such things as what one book each participant nominated as a 'Forgotten Treasure' that somehow didn't get the press it deserved when first published, reciprocal interviews introducing another participant, etc.

The part that AW is always charmed by is the creativity not only of blogpost content (and wow, are there ever a lot of smart, erudite bloggers out there*), but of the blogs themselves, so much so that AW wishes she had waited for more of an earnest effort from her own muse when setting up this blog. Here a tiny sample sprinkling of bloggers with undisputed flair:


Title Flair:
Musings of an All Purpose Monkey (Wins for best melding of unboring & self-confident)

Phantom Paragrapher (Apprentice Writer is a sucker for clever alliteration)

Perpetual Pageturner (Ditto)

Lit Snit (Short, Sweet, Fab!)

Semicolon (Exactly!)

The Lost Entwife (With excellent Tolkien quote in place of slogan)

Bermudaonion (Love it, particularly because blog has nothing to do with cooking)

The Literary Omnivore (So much more elegant than AW's usual "I read all kinds of stuff")


Slogan Flair:
Tony's Reading List: Too Lazy to be a Writer, Too Egotistical to be Quiet

Stella Matutina: Books and Stories and Musings, Oh My!


Title & Slogan Flair: Total Win!
Books, Movies and Chinese Food: The Idea for a Perfect Evening

Whimpulsive: It's Not a Word, but it Should Be


Gentle Reader: Come across any memorable Blog Titles or Slogans? Please share!


* Here one such snippet that made AW laugh:
"...It seems that very, very few people have read Guy Gavriel Kay's LORD OF EMPERORS, a book that moved me to tears with a chariot race. (Lots of books move me to tears; few do so with sporting events)." Stella Matutina

/m

Health Promotion: WEDDINGS

Apprentice Writer & Family are in the midst of preparing for an influx of guests, arriving from all over for a family wedding.

The Bride & Groom (NOT Gride & Broom, as some have waggishly suggested) have planned all in such detail that the following situations would dare not happen:
PROPOSAL FAIL
PERSONAL SPACE FAIL
LICENCE PLACE FAIL
FIDELITY FAIL






























































Today's laughter (ergo: health) promoting images from: wedinator.com

Health Promotion

Laughter boosts the immune system.

Apprentice Writer has spent far too much of her precious time lately chasing down an evening bag to go with her gown and shoes for an upcoming family wedding.

She will leave it to the Gentle Reader to deduce how she feels about the whole subject, courtesy of
www.wedinator.com

Health Promotion

Laughter boosts the immune system. Have some health, courtesy of www.cakewrecks.com, on the occasion of soon-to-be graduates everywhere

Giveaway Winners !

And the winners of a copy of 'My Own Personal Soap Opera' are:

Stephanie

&

Rachel

Drumroll, Confetti, Applause!

Thank you, Libby Malin & Sourcebooks!

Winners, please send your deets to:
mayamissani AT yahoo DOT ca


Nonwinners, take heart: another Giveaway coming up later this week.

Promoting Good Health

Laughter boosts the immune system. Today's dose of health:

Thursday Health Promotion:

Laughter boosts the immune system.

This week on the topic: Overambition.

from icanhazcheezeburger.com

Health Promotion

Laughter promotes good health. According to Apprentice Writer, this is worth a vitamin pill.


















from http://icanhascheezburger.com

Promoting Good Health

Laughter promotes good health. Apprentice Writer figures this photo from Cakewrecks equivalent to taking a daily vitamin.

Public Service Announcement

Laughter promotes good health. In her good deed for the day, Apprentice Writer passes on this comment on opposite attraction from icanhazcheezeburger.

m.