Notable Quotes

From "Wicked Appetite", Janet Evanovich, 2010, p. 1

"I graduated (from culinary arts school) in the top ninety-three percent of my class, and I would have graduated higher, but I flunked in gravy. My gravy had lumps in it, and that pretty much sums up my life so far. Not that it's been all bad; more that it hasn't been entirely smooth."

Apprentice Writer thinks this is an excellent little bit of opening characterization. The summary skillfully depicts the protagonist as "Average Girl Next Door", with neither an especially privileged nor deprived background. The choice of gravy, of all the thousands of potential foodstuffs available, is a brilliant metaphor to reinforce the Everywoman concept. Compared to flunking, say, escargots (denotes haute cuisine) or casseroles (denotes cooking on a budget), gravy seems both middle of the road and bland. Certainly not representative of paranormal excitement or forbidden men thrill, precisely what our cupcake-baking, gravy-failing Girl Next Door is about to run into. So with this opening paragraph, the author has set the stage for upcoming dramatic tension and collision of very different worlds.

Even funnier than the gravy is "....in the top 93%". This means that only 7% of the whole class had worse marks than she did - not exactly the kind of thing one usually highlights. Gotta love a heroine with the chutzpah to draw attention to such scores.

Well done!

"And now a pause for jocularity...."

Apprentice Writer is deep in the throes (this will shortly strike the Gentle Reader as funny) of new-and-improving her query.

A query, for those who may not live in the book world, is a brief letter an aspiring author addresses to a literary agent. It is supposed to entice the agent to read the first pages of a manuscript and then hopefully sign the writer on as a client before going on to sell that manuscript to a publisher on the writer's behalf.

New-and-improving her query currently involves working through the archives of the blog Query Shark by literary agent Janet Reid. Ms. Reid routinely eviscerates (her word) the queries voluntarily sent in by hopefuls such as AW. Witnessing the dismemberment is in equal parts terrifying and educational; AW is in awe of the hapless writers who dare present their work for the shark and all the blogosphere to see.

Tucked in among the earnest efforts is the occasional spoof. AW came across one today that made her laugh so much she wanted to share. Enjoy.

Book Launch: SAINT SANGUINUS

The absotively, posilutely best thing about the interwebs is discovering like-minded friends in far-off places.

Today is launch day for SAINT SANGUINUS,
the debut novel of Apprentice Writer's online amiga Julia Phillips Smith. AW is delighted to introduce this brand-spanking new author, and have the chance to pick her newly professional writerly brain.

Congratulations, Julia! First things first: the cover. Did you have input regarding art or title?

One of the pluses - or minuses depending on your point of view - of self-publishing is the amount of creative control an author has over the finished product. In traditional publishing one can fill out a style sheet and suggest things, but it's really the marketing department that has the final say as to cover art and title of the book. An author has to trust that it's in the best interests of everyone involved to produce the best cover possible, with the catchiest, stop-em-in-their tracks title, ever.

With self-publishing, it's important to pay attention to other covers currently in the marketplace. Does your genre tend to feature a hero brandishing a weapon? Does your genre currently trend toward blue covers, or red, or orange? What do the covers of the top sellers in your genre look like?

Unless you're someone with graphic design skills, I wouldn't recommend designing your own cover. Hiring a professional to do your story justice - a story into which you've likely poured your heart and soul - will result in the wonderful moment when you first gaze upon a dream come true.

As for my title, I followed the time-honored convention of naming a superhero origin story after the title character.

The title certainly is memorable! What comes to you first: hero? Heroine? Ending? One-liners?

For me, stories always come in a vision-like flash. I'll be minding my own business, and then wham! I'm deep in the midst of a dramatic sequence unfolding in my mind's eye, and I haven't the slightest clue what's going on. Who is he? Why are they doing that to him? What's going on here?

Then I have to sort out what's what, almost like stumbling into a playground fight and listening to everyone's 'He started it!'

I can honestly say no character has ever come to me in quite that way. What's your favorite scene in 'Saint Sanguinus'?

My favorite scene comes toward the end, during the big set piece. Hero in jeopardy, deep in the Black Moment - my favorite! If it was a film, it would be the part I obsessively watch over and over again. Not that I'm prone to doing that *cough, cough*

Heh. What's a typical writing day look like for you?
Once upon a time, I didn't have a typical writing day. I wrote in creative bursts.

But over the years I've definitely developed a writing routine. Mon-Fri I work at my day job. So during the week I wait until evening to climb into the creativity cockpit. I'm a night owl by nature, so writing from 8:30-12:30 or sometimes 2:00am works best for me. That's when I'm really on. Even on the weekends, when theoretically I could write at any time, I still do my best writing between 8:00 pm and 2:00 am.

I love the image of climbing into the creativity cockpit. How does your family feel about you being an author?

I come from a creative background, so I've always had 100% support. No need to explain why I need to hibernate and ignore the garden, for example. Even my dog seems to encourage my scheduled time at the computer.

My garden and children don't seem to operate that way. Your best writing habit?

This has evolved directly from participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month - taking place right now! www.nanowrimo.org). I followed one character exclusively during the writing marathon, realizing it took too much mental rearranging to go back and forth between points of view. I then followed the heroine's POV exclusively. This helped me to realize that immersing myself wholly into the character is vital, and it's a new way of working that I'm now applying to all my stories.

I've never tried that technique before. Perhaps I should experiment! Worst writing vice?

Trying to tune into the revisions channel in my head. For the longest time, I thought it was a matter of finely tuning the same invisible dial that brought me to the story in the first place. Finally, it dawned on me that there is no revisions channel, at least not like the Generating A New Story channel that runs 24/7 in my mind.

Instead I had to get my own shiny revisions toolkit from the Put On Your Big Girl Panties store and just get on with it.

Social Networking: wolf in sheep's clothing or blessing in disguise?

Social networking is an immense, globally available, free marketing tool no writer should leave out of his or her press kit.

As a longtime blogger, I have online friendships with people all over the world. Think of attempting to spread word-of-mouth promo in countries like Australia, England, Denmark, Israel and all across the US by traditional means. This is already accomplished for me, because I have blog friends in all those places.

Nightstand Inspection! What was the last ____ you read?

Contemporary: The Christmas Baby Bump, by Lynne Marshall
Historical: Heiress in Love, by Christina Brooke
UF/Paranormal/Fantasy: The Strangely Beautiful Tale of Miss Percy Parker, by Leanna Renee Hieber
Mystery/Suspense/Thriller: Spring Break, by Kayla Perrin
Memoir/Non-Fiction: The Supernatural Companions, by Nicholas Knight

That's quite the diverse lineup. Who is your writing idol and why?

Jo Beverly. She takes the time to place the reader squarely in the time and place of her historical romances, without ever slowing the pace of her stories. She never lets modern sensibilities intrude upon the historical tale she's telling. She manages to address the unromantic truths of her historic time periods without losing the shine of her happily ever after. Plus, she's a master of dialogue that carries the rhythms of real speakers, while still managing to weave story momentum within it.

Wow. I hope I write stories like Jo Beverly when I grow up. Just, like, in contemporary times and with comedy instead of historical drama and stuff.
Which literary character do you wish you'd thought of first?

Quentin Tarantino's The Bride from the "Kill Bill" series. But I'm glad he did think of such a kick-ass heroine.

You betray your roots by your choice of ultimate character from cinema instead of printed page!
Best piece of advice for aspiring writers?

The biggest thing - when you hit the point when you leave behind the infatuation stage with your own raw talent and now face the cliff-climbing phase of perfecting your craft - once you get to the top of that cliff, you will be like The Bride. You will kick ass yourself. Keep going.

I'm somewhere on that cliff now too.
How much tech know-how should one have to self-publish? Should a person like Apprentice Writer who barely manages to log on to Twitter or Facebook simply exclude that road to publication?

No, you don't have to exclude it. But you will have to be willing to pay other people to do the various aspects for you.

Self-publishing means wearing many hats, but it doesn't mean you will do every job yourself. I've hired my own little project team to prepare SAINT SANGUINUS for publication, including a graphic designer for the cover, a producer for the book trailer, a copy editor/proofreader for the manuscript and a formatter for the e-book prep.

Each book will require its own creative/technical team. Skimping on these aspects will produce an inferior product going out to readers, and I personally don't want to have my name on that.

A true co-operative effort. Anything else you'd like to share with AW's readers?

There was a time in my life when following my dreams seemed to have turned into a colossal joke. In embracing my artistic aspirations, I had a film degree but no way to pursue that field, because unforeseen health issues made working for free - in order to collect film credits - a complete impossibility.

Obviously, even through truly soul-crushing times, I managed somehow to hold onto my original dreams. Even though I tried to keep them at arms' length, they hid in little places deep inside of me. I kept working at telling stories by learning to write novels instead of making films.

In my personal life, my husband and I managed to climb out of the financial pit in which we'd languished. The health issues continued, but over time we've learned not only how to live with them, but flourish despite them. Suddenly, planets alligned or something, because things started falling into place at a rapid rate this year.

So what I'd like to share with your readers is this. Life really does kick you in the gut sometimes. The dark part of "...it's always darkest before the dawn..." can choke you into unconsciousness. But take it from me.

DON'T give up. NEVER give up.

Thanks Julia, for showing your story so honestly.

Gentle Readers, you can purchase SAINT SANGUINUS from Amazon from 18 November.

Visit Julia at www.juliaphillipssmith.com to learn more.

Notable Quotes

How to describe a goddess? It would need to be in a way that sets her apart from mortals, of course. Regarding Hera:

"Her hair was the color of blackmail, her spine like a guillotine..."

from "Gods Behaving Badly" by Marie Phillips

Quote of the Day

Apprentice Writer grows ever more irritated by cliched similes and metaphors. She has been forced to endure far, far too many instances of garments "...fitting like a second skin" and men moving "....like a jungle cat". These kinds of descriptions are not only tedious, but inept as well since they can so easily be interpreted away from where the author wants to go. Frex:

Like a second skin could mean that the garment hangs in wrinkly, saggy folds. So if that's not what the author meant, s/he would have to write "....fit like a second skin of someone not yet past their thirties and who hadn't lost a lot of weight suddenly and who didn't possess longlasting signs of childbirth across their abdomen". That would be more accurate but a little wordy.

Similarly, the description of moving "...like a jungle/large cat" always makes AW think "As opposed to a mountain/small cat, because everyone knows that jungle and large cats are silent and graceful whereas mountain and small cats are leadfooted klutzes."

What all this means is that AW is utterly delighted to come across a fresh new description. Bonus marks if it is funny. Allow her to present the quote of the day from Terry Pratchett's 'Going Postal':

"His beard looked like he'd been interrupted while eating a hedgehog."

Ha!

Semi Colon Day

Apprentice Writer loves a well-deployed semi colon.

She is therefore grateful to Signor Aldus Manutius, an Italian printer who way back in 1494 invented the picturesque little symbol that still lends so much drama to sentence rhythm and so much frustration to grammar teachers who one and all feel it is used incorrectly, all the time.

Hooray for punctuation innovations!

And hooray for people who appreciate them, such as comment poster/poet Ozzie Maland over at emdashes.com who wrote

'Ode to a Semi Colon

Thou art the fairest mark of all;
Thy graceful curve and stellar dot
Would e'en the singing lark enthrall:
Who'd spurn thy use had better not.'

Apprentice Writer feels that half a century should not have to pass by before more punctuation is invented. For example, she thinks it would be great to have a symbol to deploy instead of a regular-type question mark in situations where the question is intended rhetorically, and another where the question is intended sarcastically.

Since the upside down question mark is already claimed by Spanish-speakers for standard issue questions, perhaps a sideways question mark? A reverse question mark followed by a regular one to form a question mirror image?

m/

'About the Author'

As an occasional book reviewer, Apprentice Writer once participated in a survey that asked, among many other things, whether she read the author information page' never', 'sometimes', 'most of the time', or 'always'.

She wished there had been another category: 'before anything else'.

AW adores the author information section. She believes it gives a tiny but true taste of the author's personality and creativity. If the book is supposed to be funny, for example, but she sees no reflection of that in the author blurb, she develops strong doubts as to the veracity of humor content.

Here some entertaining examples.
Dia Reeves, YA author: "I was born. I did some stuff. I haven't died yet. What do you want from me?" (@ Goodreads)

Gail Carriger, light paranormal author: "Ms. Carriger began writing in order to cope with being raised in obscurity by an expatriate Brit and an incurable curmudgeon. She escaped small town life and inadvertently acquired several degrees in Higher Learning. Ms. Carriger then traveled the historic cities of Europe, subsisting entirely on biscuits secreted in her handbag..." (@ Goodreads)

Anna Dean, historical mystery author: "....her interests include...cream teas and canoeing on very flat water." (back cover)

Diana Holquist, contemporary romance author: "I love to write. That’s pretty much all I do. Ask my family about the undone laundry, the un-bought groceries, and the fact that I rarely find time to get dressed in the morning. Actually, if you train your family right, they won’t notice any of these things..." (@ Goodreads)

Laura Kinsale, historical romance author: "...become a romance writer after six years as a geologist--a career which consisted of getting out of bed in the middle of the night and driving hundreds of miles alone across west Texas to sit drilling rigs, wear a hard hat, and attempt to boss around oil-covered males considerably larger than herself. This, she decided, was pushing her luck. So she gave all that up to sit in a chair and stare into space for long periods of time, attempting to figure out What-Happens-Next." (@ Goodreads)

Jill Mansell, contemporary fiction author: "....writes full time. Actually that’s not true; she watches TV, eats fruit gums, admires the rugby players training in the sports field behind her house, and spends hours on the internet marvelling at how many other writers have blogs. Only when she’s completely run out of displacement activities does she write." (@ Goodreads)

Janet Mullany, historical & paranormal author: "Janet Mullany was raised in England by half of an amateur string quartet..." (back cover)

Jasper Fforde, alternate reality author: "Jasper Fforde...is the son of...the 24th Chief Cashier for the Bank of England, whose signature used to appear on sterling banknotes..." (@ Goodreads)

It goes, perhaps, without saying that AW was not disappointed in the entertainment value of these authors' works after the high expectations raised by their self-descriptive snippets.

BOOK PROPOSAL CURIOUS?

Apprentice Writer is fortunate to have talented friends. One such is Tanya Freedman, who not only writes a mean book proposal but takes the mystery out of the process for those of us who don't. For the curious, she is holding a seminar on September 14:

• Have you ever wanted to write a non-fiction book?
• Have you got an idea that you want to test in the market?
• Do you want to know how to get that book published?

Writing a book can be therapeutic or just plain fun and with proper help, the results of writing a book can be very lucrative!

Getting the idea down in writing can be daunting.

If you or any of your colleagues want to know how to go about writing a non-fiction book proposal, or how to test your idea on the market, I can help.

I’m a published non-fiction author. I will –

Ø Help conceptualize your idea into a saleable proposal, complete with structure and style

Ø Suggest and research the best publishing route

Ø Help you etch time into your busy life to start writing your proposal and book now

Ø Coach you to write the cover letter for targeted literary agents or publishing editors

If you want to “pay it forward”, please send this email to your contacts, friends and family, who have always wanted to write that book! Or even if they're just curious.

Check out my website for details on "Writing and Selling Your Book Proposal". I'm offering a seminar packed with all the resources needed to create, complete and send out an irresistible book proposal.

For more details on the resources you will receive at the seminar please go to: www.bookproposalmentor.com.

Let me, the Book Proposal Mentor, help you transform your ideas into publication!
Tanya Freedman

Anatomy of DNF

Apprentice Writer continues her dissection of what makes a book unfinishable for her.

The latest premature goodbye was bid to a contemporary romance, the second book of an author who maintains a smart and likable online presence, and whose books received a lot of buzz and very healthy publicity push. AW didn't attempt the first, partially due to hating the cover and partially due to lukewarm reviews, but the second cover looked good and the premise was promising.

Why did she stop?

1. Three uses of the word 'sardonic' in the first dozen pages
= author not living up to job requirement to impress with deft vocabulary.

2. Multiple references in same amount of space to how good-looking the hero is
= we get it already.

3. One paragraph about the heroine's notice of the hero's eyes, followed immediately by another paragraph on same
= proof of line editors being sacrificed to budget cuts in publishing houses?

4. The coup de grace: it is small-town girl heroine's first night in New York City, where she knows nothing and no-one but a colleague she met just that day who has brought her to a bar, where they soon become separated. She meets the hero, and without knowing ANYTHING about him (even his name) she agrees to go home with him - without even having the courtesy to inform her colleague that she's leaving, simply instructing the bartender to pass on the message
= in AW's world, this is not the bartender's job, and this is truly a TSTL heroine. AW will forgive many character flaws, but not stupidity on such astronomical level.

And that is how this book became a wallbanger.

Gentle Reader, was AW too harsh? Justified? What led to your latest DNF?

Interpretation - HELP, PLEASE

Apprentice Writer is a great admirer of the well-placed simile and the original metaphor.

Occasionally, she needs some help to interpret same. In this vein, a quote from "First Comes Love, then Comes Malaria: How a Peace Corps Poster Boy Won My Heart and a Third World Adventure Changed My Life" by Eve Brown-Waite. This is a breezily written, appealing travel memoir with a terrific cover (both title and art) and a lot of honesty about the author's feelings and how she dealt with the conditions she found in various places.

Where AW became stumped was a chapter dealing with the phenomenon of reverse culture shock, returning to one's homeland after a long time spent in a place that is very different:

"Reverse culture shock hit me like an avalanche and I responded like a fart in a blizzard."

AW was doing fine up to "avalanche". It was the second half that caused puzzlement.

Is there some evident-to-others relationship between avalanche/blizzard/fart that AW missed?
Is this a reference to relative noisiness? To the involuntary nature of the body function? But then again - avalanches and blizzards could be considered plenty involuntary, too.

AW is now about half way through the story, and will admit that her readerly anticipation is heightened by the thought that more such original comparisons will pop up.

Gentle Reader - Thoughts?

Author Guest Post & Giveaway: LIBBY MALIN

Today, Apprentice Writer welcomes the lovely Libby Malin, author of humorous women's fiction, chatting on the topic of




SOAP OPERA IN A TWITTER WORLD

I've watched Days of Our Lives for many years and before that, Another World.I liked to ponder the challenges of a soap writer - juggling actor vacations and contract changes, sweeps week stories - things outside of the writer's control, for the most part. Oh, and soap genealogy - I think more than one soap has shifted a story line after it was apparent that the family linkage between a guy and a gal was a little too close for comfort. Family trees get awfully twisted on soaps. That should be a college major - Daytime Drama Character Lineage! LOL!

Anyway, I found myself thinking about how writers dealt with these various challenges, and noticing how skillful the writers were, for the most part, in constructing story arcs. It fascinated me, especially since the storylines are usually so outlandish - swapped babies, evil twins, people 'coming back from the dead' (usually with amnesia). And yet, if the writers do a good job, you're riveted. You absolutely must be there when the Big Scene occurs - when the villains misdeeds are revealed, when the villainess gets her comeuppance. You drool for those moments!

Another thing I love about soaps is how the characters say outrageous things to one another that you'd never say in real life, no matter how much you loathed someone. Yet on a soap opera, it's not unusual to see various characters talking trash right in the face of someone they can't stand. It's marvellously satisfying.

So all of those things combined together created the germs of a story idea about a soap opera head writer. I started thinking: wouldn't it be neat to a soap opera writer and use all those in-your-face scenes to work out your own "issues" with people in real life? And what if real life started to blend into the soap life? That's how the idea of a real jewel thief imitating the one on the show popped into My Own Personal Soap Opera.

Another think I particularly admired about the soal Another World was how they stayed true to one story arc they used over and over - that is, haves-vs.-have-nots. The theme ran through all their plots. It also runs through My Own Personal Soap Opera. Frankie, the head writer, comes from 'the wrong side of the tracks', while Victor, the marketing guru who comes in to help raise the soap's ratings, comes from a moneyed background.

Since I am not, nor have I ever been, involved in the production of a soap opera, I had to do a bunch of research. I read some fiction set in the soap world as well as a number of autobiographies of soap stars. I also consulted with a number of people who do or did work on soaps, including the head writer of As the World Turns, who was so gracious and patient with my questions. I took what I learned and used it as a springboard for my fictional tale. Therefore, I did stretch reality to suit my particular story - just as soap opera writers do!

Thanks for having me as a guest. I'd be happy to answer any questions about writing as best I can.

Thanks, Libby, for dropping by!


GIVEAWAY!

Ask a question or make a comment and you can win a copy of My Own Personal Soap Opera, generously provided by Sourcebooks!

Double your chances by commenting on Apprentice Writer's review, posted yesterday!


The Fine Print:
1. U.S. and Canadian addresses only, no P.O. Boxes.
2. Leave a non-spammable way to reach you if your profile does not lead back to an active blog.
3. Bonus entries by following here or on Twitter (MayaWriter), please let Apprentice Writer know if you do.
4. Contest closes 27 April 2010.


Learn more about the author here.

Good luck!

Serious Side of Comedy: Online Etiquette

Social media seem to thrive on the ebb and flow of controversy. A recent cyberstorm made Apprentice Writer wonder about the nature of publicly being called to account for bad behavior, AKA shaming.

The Nutshell: A writer sent a literary agent a query. It clearly didn't follow guidelines, so a polite and even kindly form rejection was sent in reply. The writer took this rejection poorly, as expressed in two follow-up messages that were, shall we say, unfortunate on multiple levels. Whereupon the agent blogposted the correspondence, including the writer's name, resulting in a very long thread of blogcomments more or less universally deriding the writer. One commenter posted in haiku form which apparently led the agent to announce a haiku contest on Twitter, with a hashtag that included the writer's name, resulting in numerous mocking tweets and retweets. At least one author/blogger posted in a deliberately general manner (without any names or specifics that would allow identification) about discomfort with apparent misperception about a publishing hiearchy (unpublished writers below published writers below agents below publishers) and how this could cause writers to hesitate about speaking out when they see something with which they disagree. The agent posted a comment on expressed assumption that the author's post referred to her case, again specifed the name of the writer, and defended her choice to respond as she did due to (if AW has understood correctly) conviction that the writer's unprofessional responses constituted a direct attack on herself as well as her signed writers which justified counterattack.

OK, admittedly that was rather a large nut to fit in one shell. But here's the question:

What do you think of it all?

Here is what AW posted at the above-mentioned author/blogger's site:

"I'm still figuring out what I think of the whole thing, but chief among my reactions is - taken aback. There is no question that the response the writer made to the form rejection was unfortunate on multiple levels,

BUT

to me, his messages almost had something of a feel of the aspiring contestants in the audition rounds of reality shows that are not only deluded about the level of their talent, but give the impression they may have mental health issues going on as well. I have no knowledge about this particular writer, but my discomfort with how the online deluge mushroomed - haiku contest attached to a person's actual full name? - is because it feels like a colossally imbalanced situation if there is any possibility the rejected writer is dealing with health challenges. (I repeat: I have NO CLUE whether it's the case or not).

Wouldn't it be wise - or even, kind - to allow for this possibility before publishing names involved? Wouldn't the educational benefit (learning how NOT to correspond in the publishing world) have been achieved by sharing the messages without name attached?

I'm confuzzled about it all so I'd welcome thoughts."

Anatomy of DNF, Part II

As a person trying to figure out what works in novel-writing and what doesn't, Apprentice Writer is always especially interested in books unfinished. How does a book make her give up after it has done the heavy lifting of convincing her to bring it home?

The lesson drawn from the most recent DNF episode was:

BEWARE THE DANGER OF OVERWRITING.

Ask any published or aspiring writer what they think of this statement, and the agreement rate would probably be 100%. Where to draw the line on what is reasonable and what is too much, is, of course, the tricky part, and a matter of personal taste. The first pages of the current candidate made clear that AW's threshold is well below that of the author. This is a debut effort; for that reason, title shall remain nameless. AW doesn't need the bad karma of standing in a freshly-hatched author's way.


Where did it all become too much?

1. Driving home points with a sledgehammer:

'He was angry. Horribly angry. Livid. Enraged. Furious.'

2. Redundancy:

'May we discuss our private matter privately?'

3. Taking advice to show emotion by describing involuntary physical actions/reactions to the extreme:

During the space of four pages devoted to a conversation with her brother, a minor character:

froze
shot a nervous glance
twisted her hands
coughed and started anew
shivered
blinked and looked away
glanced down both sides of the corridor before turning her nervous glance to his face
stammered
her cheeks leeched of color
her lips trembled
tugged her bare fingers
jumped
her response was a vivid blush and violent shake of the head
slumped against the wainscoting
her shoulders shook
nibbled at her lip
tossed him a nervous glance
clenched her fingers together so tightly the knuckles went white
her pale brow furrowed
her words trailed off as another crimson stain spread up from her throat
started and blanched
her eyes widened
looked away, eyelashes quivering
he could smell the unease in her sweat

Here was the point that AW knew: this was not the book for her.

If this amount of scrutiny is devoted to a minor character, at the beginning of the story, how much jumping and slumping and blanching and quivering were in store for the main character once the plot actually heated up? What in the world was the hero going to smell in her sweat? Apprentice Writer just didn't want to find out.

Gentle Reader: do you appreciate spare writing, or do you prefer lots of descriptives? What makes you stop reading a book?

m.

Library Writer in Residence Programs

Any Gentle Readers out there also aspiring writers?

Apprentice Writer's suggestion of the day for you:

Investigate whether your public library runs a Writer-in-Residence program.

The Toronto Public Library does, and the current author holding the position is Deborah Cooke, also writing as Claire Cross, also writing as Claire Delacroix. Her oeuvre includes historical romance, chicklit, paranormal, fantasy, and dystopia. Her residence program includes panel discussions with industry experts to which the public is invited, blogging about various topics related to publication, and perhaps most enticing for us amateur scribblers, a manuscript critique opportunity (first fifity pages).

The author currently holding the position for the Richmond Hill Public Library is Barry Dempster, whose oeuvre includes poetry, short stories, and novels. His residence program includes a series of workshops, and also the tempting manuscript critique opportunity (first ten pages and synopsis).

Apprentice Writer had the good fortune to have her manuscript excerpt accepted for critique by Ms. Cooke, and spent an excellently helpful hour in the resident writer's library office, high above the North York public performance space and beneath Mel's Bells (an inside joke for Torontonians - Mel Lastman was a mayor of North York, a Toronto burb, and the library is in the same tower as the former North York City Hall which is crowned by a bell tower). Ms. Cooke provided a large amount of micro- and meta- comments about Apprentice Writer's manuscript, and the question of what to do with it now that it's complete. The most memorable of which was "This is good," and "You are not wasting your time," to AW's great relief.

Apprentice Writer now has renewed energy to work through another revision, and see the many-times-read words with fresh eyes. More importantly, she has completed (!) her query letter for sending out into the cold, harsh world of publication reality. Report forthcoming.

If you'd like the opportunity to speak with a Toronto-based author, editor, and/or literary agent, consider attending the public lecture tomorrow night. For info as well as a link to Ms. Cooke's blog, click here.

For info on the Richmond Hill program, click here.

At best, you could receive specific, helpful input on your work. At least, you would spend time with authors -who remain, in AW's opinion, some of the smartest and most interesting people anywhere.


m.

NOVEMBER APPROACHING: Insanity Warning

Last days of October.

The Gentle Reader knows what that means.

NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH.

Yes, Apprentice Writer has signed up for the '30 Days of Literary Abandon' again, armed only with a snippet of an idea culled from, of all things, a newspaper article announcing the kickoff of a restaurant critic's new food column, and the story of how he and his first guest met. That's all that was needed to commit to writing 50,000 fresh new somehow-or-other connected words. No plotpoints, no character outlines - heck, no character names! - none of that. It's the month of writing dangerously, after all.

Even better, last night AW attended a coffee-house get-together (what in the world would literary types do without coffee-houses, those Boardrooms of the vocabulary rich and wallet poor?) of fellow Wrimos in York region. It was a mixed bunch: male, female, student, day-jobber, midlifer, married-with-kids, not-yet-dating. All with two things in common.

Tendency to laugh a lot (there was many a sidelong glance from other patrons, and the occasional barrista).

Eyes shining with the light of excitement at their utterly unique, kick-ass literary idea that each could not wait to plunge into. Atomic koalas? Time travel philosophy? Quest in the BC interior? Leprechauns? Innercity ecocults? Brunch journalism? You bet.

We all signed our NanNoWriMo contracts ("..pledge to leave our work unmolested by Inner Editors...to let our innate creativity and brilliance free rein...." etc.) and planned to meet again in a week's time so as to bolster fading enthusiasm and brainstorm plot stoppages.

AW will be working on her Nanovel most Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings between 9:30-11:15 at the Richmond Hill Central Library on the second floor at one of the south-looking solo window tables. If you like - please join her.

Or join the overall insanity: www.nanowrimo.org
Wrimos of York region have a thread on the 'Forums: Canada: Ontario: Elsewhere' board.

National Humor Month, Part the Third

It continues to be National Humor Month. Apprentice Writer continues to think that people can benefit from a laugh no matter what their own personal nation is.

Movie: Today, recommendations for niche audiences.
1. Kids - At 12, Junior Apprentice Writer #1 is at the age of painful desire to be as cool as possible, so he would never admit if he thought a movie was funny. At 8, by contrast, Junior AW #2 leaves no doubt about whether he thinks something is amusing. The two movies of recent history that made him giggle loudest and longest were 'Kung Fu Panda' and 'Mr. Bean's Holiday'. The former with spot-on voice casting, some very cool homage sequences of classic movies (the escape from the dungeon scene is the best in the movie, bar none) and really is very funny. The latter is perhaps more of an acquired taste and less appealling to adults, but there is something very reassuring about a movie without a single superhero, special effect, explosion, Broadway musical number or cartoon character effortlessly entertaining a jaded child audience.

2. Viewers who recognize '80's style music videos - AW is neither a big Drew Barrymore nor Hugh Grant fan, so she can't explain why she watched 'Music and Lyrics'. Having zero expectations, she was pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable she found the skillful digs at those classic music videos (the opening and closing sequences are note-perfect spoofs that had AW crying with laughter and would probably be meaningless to music lovers of other eras), dinosaur rockers, and Hugh Grant mocking Hugh Grant. By which AW means it's as if he's playing himself, if he were a musician.

Book: Regular readers of this space know of AW's mad love for Elizabeth Peters' hilarious Amelia Peabody series set in Victorian-era Egypt and England. What readers may not know is that Ms. Peters also writes an equally memorableAmerican contemporary sleuth heroine, the redoubtable Dr. Vicky Bliss. After a long absence, Vicky has returned to the literary scene, in 'The Laughter of Dead Kings'. And the big kicker is: the story takes her to Egypt. Is it possible that two two series will intertwine? AW is fifty pages in and delerious with curiosity to find out. Report forthcoming.

Reality TV: For anyone who has not yet beheld the magnificence of Stavros Flatley (which upon viewing is revealed as a brilliant, brilliant name for this act) AW begs you to do yourself a favor and watch.

(We interrupt this post due to technical difficulties. We are inexplicably unable to post a link for this clip. We recommend surfing to the Youtube site and entering 'Stavros Flatley' for your viewing pleasure.)


Writer Advice: Today, the conclusion of Lisa Gabriele's tips on becoming an author.

"....#10. If you are lucky enough to get a publisher,
read every single word of your contract. Even the fine print, rendered in 11some godawful font. Get a lawyer to look at it. In fact, show it to all your friends, make copies and distribute it amongst family members, near and far. Go ahead and throw it out of a low-flying airplane, letting the evidence of your genius waft and scatter down your luckless street, because, can you believe it, someone's actually paying you to do this? Isn't it awesome? Then sign the damn thing.

#11. If you are not writing, writing, writing,
you should be reading, reading, reading. But you shouldn't always be reading, reading, reading what you have just been writing, writing, writing. That is called a block. Reread #3. But not over and over and over again.

#12. Do not write in public.
Do not bring your laptop to Starbucks. Do not scribble in restaurants. Other people are eating. Unless your home has burned down. Unless you are, in fact, homeless. Writing should be done in the privacy of your own dank, personal hell. You wanted this nightmare deadline, didn't you? You brought this on yourself, always talking about how much you wanted to be writer, OHHHH, you have SO much to say to the world. Well then, shut up and write it, and leave the rest of us at peace with our low-fat lattes and our mediocre lives, our RRSPs and our cottages.

#13. Above all, avoid cliches like the plague."

National Humor Month, Part the Second

It continues to be National Humor Month. Still don't know in what nation specifically, still not letting that stop us from using the opportunity to share fun bits and bobs.

Movie Two more which Apprentice Writer greatly enjoyed but which didn't seem to get a wide audience were 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?' and 'Leatherheads'. Astute readers will observe that they share the common denominator of George Clooney. Mr. Apprentice Writer would observe that AW will say she likes anything in that category. To which AW would reply, "Oh yeah? 'Michael Clayton'. Take that."

So, what's to like? Well, George really does have excellent comedic timing. There was a happy mix of overt and subtle humor in both films. And both made fantastic use of music and carefully thought-out backdrops and settings. All very nice, even though AW has not read 'The Odyssey' in original form nor does she get American football to the slightest degree.

Book AW whipped through 'The Spellman Files' by Lisa Lutz in very short time, and can report that it really is as good as the buzz promised. Original idea, unpredictable storyline, fresh and endearing (despite large flaws) protagonist, and, AW's biggest weakness: excellent secondary characters. A large part of the humor is black, so be warned that it's not a daisies and rainbows story; there is a subplot about willfull self-destructiveness and alcoholism, and the nature of family obligation towards someone excercising free will. The dynamics of the Spellman clan are described as 'a functioning dysfunctional family' which captures it well. They are certainly never boring. AW can't wait to pick up the next in the series, 'Revenge of the Spellmans', and then on to the most recent release, 'Curse of the Spellmans'.

Blogpost Came upon a note-perfect description about what it feels like to be a new writer at a significant milestone, written according to gaming-type instructions of a few years ago, a.k.a. when AW made her first and last attempts to wade into gaming mindset. It made her snort with laughter. Take a look: http://magicdistrict.wordpress.com/2009/04/01/text-adventure/

Writer Advice Continuation of 13 ways to become a writer, taken from 'Good Luck with the Sex Scenes: The Writing Profession' by Lisa Gabriele (via The National Post):

".....4. Have a Muse.
If none is apparent, hire one from the back pages of your local urban weekly magazine. Get a receipt.

5. Start Young.
God, not too young. But ask yourself, 'Is 35 considered young, anyways?' Then stop worrying because it is so not young.

6. If you are going to write a memoir,
ensure that you were wonderfully poor, or terribly rich, or survived a brutal warand in the end, you came out pretty much OK. If the above criteria do not apply to you, write of baseball.

7. Good luck with the sex scenes.

8. Stay away from ghostwriters.
They don't really exist.

9. Get an agent.
Thank the agent in your book. Give her billing just above your benevolent high school English teacher and right below your crazy, misunderstood mother."

Writing "THE END"

Big news.

Apprentice Writer has finished her first book,

CUPID AND A TOOLBELT
An Epic Novel of Romance and Home Improvement

The full manuscript is gearing up to go on tour of slush piles everywhere, with the first official scouting trip already sent into the not-quite-wild-blue-yonder (a well-known agency inviting three-sentence 'Book in a Nutshell' pitches, to be precise).

To celebrate, here is the Prologue in its first public appearance. The goldfish welcomes any and all comments. (Seriously. Its scales have been toughened enough from contest entries to absorb constructive criticism, yet are still sensitive enough to appreciate praise.)

"She blamed the goldfish.

With hindsight, Josie could pinpoint the instant when she descended into a life of crime. It was the moment she looked into those trusting underwater eyes, and realized she had no choice. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't take action - consequences be damned. So, really, if the fish hadn't been right there, right then, doing infinite laps round its private little pool, her destiny would probably have taken a different shape..."

'THE END' in sight...

Apprentice Writer is mere pages, possibly paragraphs, away from writing 'THE END' for her first manuscript.

In theory, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel should be a tremendous incentive to working faster and faster, mowing down scene after scene now that it's clear what is supposed to happen in each (the gentle reader can tell that this is a pantser speaking).

In practice, this didn't seem to happen to AW. Is she some kind of freak?

Maybe. Or maybe, this is all the result of her specific 'Writing Process'. When AW first heard this phrase at a writer's group meeting, she was a little concerned as she had had no idea she was supposed to have acquired such a beast, much less figured out exactly what it looks like. People have different kinds, and to attempt to write outside of it apparently leads to all sorts of ailments, manuscriptally speaking. This is what AW has learned about hers:

It is very similar to how she goes about jigsaw puzzles. Pieces radiating out from the corners first, till the outside 'frame' is complete, then the most distinctive and recognizable bits for multiple small 'islands' created inside, gradually figuring out how to stitch those islands together, and the vast, uniform bits of featureless blue sky last. That's the part that takes the most time.

AW is now putting the final bits of blue sky in place. Get ready with the confetti and chocolate, everyone.

National Novel Writing Month - Halos!

The terror, it is almost upon us.



No, not Halloween - though that is without question a terror to be reckoned with. The pumpkins that must be obtained and artistically carved! The slimy, stringy pumpkin guts that involves! The rock and a hard place pressure of treats that are dentistically approved and those that your juniors want you to buy! The parental desire to outfit juniors in fantastic costumes vs. the reality of having sewing/crafting skills only equal to scribbling some kitten whiskers or pirate stubble on their dewy skin with an old eyeliner pencil and slapping a hat on their heads!



The terror of which Apprentice Writer speaks is Nanowrimo, scheduled to spring out of the starting gate for the 10th year next Saturday, November 1st. Thirty days of literary abandon, as the site (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) proclaims. Thousands upon thousands of novelists around the globe racing the clock to produce 50,000 fresh words despite the obstacles placed in their paths by real life, fatigued fingers and brains, and worst of all, nefarious inner editors.



It's not easy to throw an annual literary online party for such a large crowd. To manage the site, fund the Young Writers Program (which brings the Nanowrimo movement into schools, nurturing a whole new generation of novelists), and create and supply libraries in remote East Asian villages (done in past years; not sure if will happen this year), the site founders appeal to participants each year to consider making a donation (however modest). Those that do see a halo appear next to their online name on the message boards.



Wrimo Jamie Grove, who blogs at HOW NOT TO WRITE: If you're reading this, you're not writing. Obvious but True, had a brilliant idea.



He not only donated himself, but after encouraging others to do likewise and receiving messages about willing hearts but cash-poor wallets, decided to give away some halos.



At http://www.hownottowrite.com/nanowrimo/nanowrimo-halo-giveaway-30-halos/, he describes what wrimos need to do if they'd like a halo but can't quite swing it this year.



He also posts about all kinds of topics of interest to aspiring wrimos. Go take a look.



Gentle Readers: Planning to participate in the madness this year?